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1994-10-23
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TITLE:THE SPANDIMERDA AWARDS
PALETTE:0223 088a 08ba 09c9
THE SPANDIMERDA AWARDS
By Macno
The Spandimerda Awards are an humanitary enterprise.
You may think that they are the real cradle of spandimerding, the essence of the
art, you may have jumped to the conclusion that the most spandimerda place in
the world is the hall where the Spandimerda Awards are given.
You are wrong and you haven't understood anything, as usual.
The Spandimerda Awards are a necessary help for many sceners out there.
Their life wouldn't have a sense without these awards, they would be lost in a
sad and idle depression.
The Spandimerda Awards claim and shout the existence of all the sceners who need
comfort and solidarity.
Chaos of Sanity has won many spandimerda awards because we knew he needed to
read once more his name in a mag, he feeds himself with his fame, if you take it
away he is lost.
Lord Helmet and Wolfman are the same. They do not comment but they are always
glad to receive our awards, they know, when they win them, that they are doing
something good, that their work is worth to be continued.
Colorbird and Zinkfloid would be nothing without their spandimerda war, they
would be just famous mags editors, but they would lack the vivid image of
spandimerda marthyrs they have conquered in the scene.
I hope you finally understand that. The Spandimerda Awards help some sceners to
survive, to go on, to entertain us with their presence.
The spandimerda hero of this issue is El Loco of Talent, co-editor of the mag
42. He is having what he wanted. He attacked the Spandimerda Movement and he
started a 360 degrees spandimerda guerrilla well knowing that he was going to
win at least a pair of prizes. I could not betray him, I have had to help him
and support his efforts. Could you think what unbearable desolation would have
caught him if I hadn't awarded him at all?
I am too good and sensitive to leave our poor El Loco without his good
Spandimerda Awards, from the beginning I knew he needed help.
People should not abuse of such generousity from the Spandimerda Movement,
though. Times are getting difficult for everybody, the incomes from
advertisments, Reviews on Sale and News On Sale are not enough to cover the huge
editorial expenses of this mag.
We are considering if we can take a serious decision and we ask you for advices.
Should we put The Spandimerda Awards ON SALE!???
Do you think we should start to ask money for the service we offer?
Sure, in the past we accepted few bribes for some minor awards, we gave a prize
also to untalented Spandimerda (nerds like Acbs or Filippetto) in charge of a
little monetary contribution, but now we could go public. Maybe we could
organize auctions for the most important awards and fix a regular price for
lesser ones.
It's time to hear the voice of the readers. You are invited to decide if the
Spandimerda Awards should be put on sale. You pay and we award you.
Feel free to send your votes to ROM (we don't care at all of them, in reality),
they always collect opinion polls from readers, they won't notice that this one
wasn't introduced by then.
Best Inward-Spandimerda Mag
Ex-aequo
issue 2 and ROM issue 1
An Inward Spandimerda is the opposite of the Outward Spandimerda.
The first boasts and declares his own superiority,
the second spreads shits on the others.
The best Inward-Spandimerda mags of the moment are surely 42 and ROM, there's no
match, even if Inward-Spandimerding is a quality that many mags have.
The main difference between our winners and the others is that they have style,
they are more convincing (They don't write just puerile statements like "We are
the best"), they seem serious and they use more difficult words.
It's impossible to mention here all the parts where these mags have shown a deep
Inward-Spandimerda tendency. Let's just publish a short sample for each mag.
42: "The sign shone clearly, an omen of quality"
ROM: "Forget all that you've learned in the past. You are just about to
experience the rise of a new standard."
Don't you think it's quite more advanced than a pretentious "This mag is cool!"?
Best Spandimerda Mag Section
Ex-aequo
"Did you know that..." and "An Awakening..."
Both the sections are in 42 and both are made by El Loco. The best comment we
can do to justify the decision is to publish some extracts of the winning
articles. Read and Enjoy:
would like to send shiny grateful regards to:
- Stone Arts, for giving us a big laugh with Headline 2. Quote: "what quality
articles?"
- Upstream, for impressing everyone with their high rankings on such a generally
bad magazine.
- Lord Helmet, for still not being aware of the fact that RAW is losing ground,
big time.
- Zinkfloid/TRSI , for not having written any crap in two months.
- Razor 1911, for living on a name they don't deserve.
Most Innocent Spandimerda Question
DOMAIN of Black Jack
In the pages of 42 issue 2, shyly and almost unobserved, Domain scores a a nice
Spandimerda remark which seems almost to ask for the permission of being
written: "Propaganda lies on the 5th place in the various charts, do they
really deserve that much credit for their work?"
A good example of Shy Spandimerding which, though shy, doesn't fail in
spandimerding.
Special Spandimerda Award for having invented a new Spandimerda Style
EL LOCO of Talent
El Loco shows a first class spandimerda instinct when he understands that the
best way to become a Spandimerda Legend is to spandimerda who makes the
Spandimerda awards. He is what our dear pupil has written on 42:
- "We hate spandimerding! And we are aware of the fact that the spandimerding
is only one of your stupid ways to fill your deranged Abnormalia magazine"
- "... regards to: Macno/Abnormalia, for franctically still doing his stupid
nonsense spandimerding."
Not bad eh? Readers are not forced to imitate him, though.
Best Magwars Spandimerda statement
LORD STRADH (RUNE) of Talent
The main editor of 42, one of the most active contenders in the Magwars, is the
natural winner of this award. He has written in 42 issue 2:
"Upstream has not one article that couldn't match any of the articles in RAW
Even the adverts in RAW are better!!!"
Quite effective eh? Radical and definitive spandimerda declaration, fine remark
about the adverts and quick enough to hit and leave a sign.
A minor drawback is the negations fuck-up, but Lord Stradh has managed the same
to let us understand his message.
Best Pseduo-Masters Spandimerda remark
EL LOCO of Talent
Many guys in the scene have tried to wear the masks of the Masters of the Scene
and this should be the first clue that indicates that they are NOT the real
Masters. Real Masters don't want to be discovered and therefore they surely
don't go around boasting to be Masters. Since anyway everybody more or less
seems to pretend to be one of the Masters, nowadays, who remain silent could be
suspected as being the Master, just because he doesn't claim anything.
For this reason maybe, after all, who claims around to be the Master of the
Scene could be really the Master of the Scene. He would behave in such a way
NOT to show to the world his identity but to CONCEAL it, among the ocean of
false pretentious Masters. Things are getting intricated, somehow.
Well, what has El Loco done to win this Pseudo-Masters (or Real Masters?) award?
Well he has written: "Dolphin/STA should not take it personally, but the
powermen in 42 don't like him nor his boring articles".
Who are these powermen? Just the editors of 42? Do you find the word
"powermen" a normal one to indicate diskmags editors? Doesn't it echo far
deeper and more esoteric meanings? Does El Loco have something in common with
the Masters of The Scene? Does he know the Watcher of the World???
Best Spandimerda Interview
CHRISTINE DE LA QUEEN of Spoon
You can read Christine's enterprise in Abnormalia 5. Notice the brilliantly icy
remarks about the poor quality of the questions, the acute and discrete
allusions to the sexual immaturity of the interviewer, the seriously detached
style that surely has made him feel like an idiot.
In the successful interview Christine De La Queen manages also to ridiculize the
same Spandimerda Committee (less directly than El Loco but still effectively)
and (never happened before) to spandimerda using friendship&peace words and
cliches. Meanings and messages of this interview have different levels, they are
not restricted to the superficial look, and, the deeper the metaphoric level,
the more spandimerda the interview becomes. A masterpiece.
Spandimerda Award of the Year
EL LOCO of Talent
It was unavoidable. He has won all the most desired Spandimerda awards of this
issue, he is surely the Spandimerda Master of the moment.
El Loco shows a good comprehension of the principles of classic spandimerding
(the one who made famous Lord Helmet) but implements his own personal style
based on sharp, fast, icy, lethal remarks, provocation and sarcasm.
To all these virtues he has added a strong dose of courage, he has dared to
spandimerda the same Spandimerda Committee. He has been the first one to
understand that this was what the Committee wanted and he deserves all the
acknowledgements for the intuition.
He is still young, he has still much to learn, we don't know if he is going to
become a Spandimerda legend as Lord Helmet, Zinkfloid or Chaos (all, for
different reasons, are spandimerda myths in the dust, lacking in these days the
good old spandimerda spirit), but this is what the actual scene offers us, get
it or nothing.